all I needed was you (KNY, ShinoMitsu)
Ahh, Mitsuri remembers very well the first time she met her. She was walking and chatting with her friends on the hallway when she spotted her walking on the opposite direction, small frame, porcelain skin and two beautiful, beautiful amethysts – dark, consuming, addictive.
It felt like what people calls love at first sight. Her heartbeats resonated vividly inside her chest for the rest of the day, just a small glance at her astonishing beauty seemed to be enough to fall for her completely.
And so, knowing that, she couldn’t control her overflowing feelings for the halfway’s stranger anymore.
Mitsuri is well known for falling in love easily, or that’s what her friends have told her... and she can’t blame them at all. She finds in every person such a wonderful humanity, a different kind of perfection not everyone has been able to understand, “we as human beings are so interesting, it’s so hard to not love everything about them” were the words she would tell them whenever they would mention it.
However, this case was different. This person, something in her was so different, so attractive, not only because she was absolutely stunning, there was something almost intoxicating calling her. Was it how mysterious and quiet she is, giving the impression everything was under her control, under her power? or was it that butterfly hairpin that seemed to be too fancy, but would fit her so well? was it the way that despite her lovely smile there was a feeling of emptiness coming for her, an emptiness she wanted to fill with her presence?
Whatever it may be, she will do anything to find the answer to all the questions her heart seem to be screaming at her, demanding for a quick response because it can’t take it anymore.
And so, they became friends. It was a rusty introduction at first, Mitsuri couldn’t stop stuttering, completely flustered and sweating like she had never before at the image of a goddess helping her with the pile of books she had to bring back to the school’s library.
“She looks even prettier when you’re closer” were the words she managed to hear inside her head, barely audible under the loud beating of her heart resonating inside her ears. What she had seen some steps away that day were now filled with details she wouldn’t mind staring at for another second, and another and another, the almost imperceptible blush on her cheeks, her pink, glossy lips curved into a small, charming smile, the deepness of her eyes growing bigger and bigger the closer she would get.
“So, what’s your name?” she asked politely.
“Ah! Uhh…” she broke the unexpected eye contact with the girl, “Kanroji Misturi! and yours?”
“Kocho Shinobu. Nice to meet you, Kanroji-san.”
Oh my god. Her voice is even prettier.
Since then, every day Mitsuri would find something new about Shinobu, even if it was small, even it if was what she herself considered a flaw, even if it was sad, discouraging, even if it would distance them a little, she would fall even harder for her. Her heart would skip a beat every time she spotted that purple butterfly between the sea of students walking in or out of the school, she would find herself daydreaming on the day she’d gain the courage and confess to her, having her feelings returned and live happily as a couple, spending hours thinking about her every night before going to sleep.
Sure, Mitsuri has this tendency to fall in love with people really fast, risking several heartbreaks because of the same reason, but her feelings for Shinobu were so, so different, there was something that would tell her it’s her,she’s the one, she’s the person she wants to spend the rest of her life with.
Shinobu was like a dark, silent night. You would think those nights where there is no light are scary, intimidating, lonely, but then you look upside and you see them: the stars, glimmering as if they are talking to you, sending love messages every now and then, the moonlight telling you her most intimate secrets, you hear the small noises you don’t notice during the busy city life, singing a new song you’ve never heard before, the wind gently caressing you as you keep walking forward and deeper, always stumbling with something new and interesting which motivates you to walk slowly into the trap settled inside her heart.
And once you’ve realized, it’s too late to come out.
Falling in love for Shinobu was a dead end, there was no way back, and Mitsuri didn’t mind it at all. Because the first time she saw her, she knew where she was going, and she was willing to never come back.
However, she never found the courage to tell her such things.
“What do I do?! When I’m with her it feels like my heart goes BADAAAM and then BAM BAM BAM--”
“I know that, keep going please,” Sanemi, a friend from the third year was one of her few friends who knew very well what was going on between her and Shinobu, and, more precisely, the only person that has heard her rambling no matter what, even though forcefully.
“S-so… I can’t tell her anything… I can’t even talk to her properly! What should I do, Sanemi?”
“I don’t know why you’re asking me this, but I guess you could start by figuring out if she may like you back.”
“But how do I know that?!”
“…”
“Maybe it’s the way she talks to you?” another friend from the same class as Sanemi, Giyuu, added to the improvised group therapy session. “You could ask her what she thinks about you, too.”
Giyuu made a fair point there, they both are from different groups, so they don’t have many friends in common, plus, they don’t see each other very much except for some breaks and after class, so there’s little she knows about how Shinobu really is with her close friends. She’s so quiet it’s hard to think of any other face she may have. Does she act impulsively, like her? when she gets angry, does she get all moody for the rest of the day and voices her thoughts so everyone hears how she’s feeling? There are things she knows very well, but there are so many things, so many layers it makes her wonder what would be her real form. Is the face she’s showing to Mitsuri the most pure one, the real one?
Her interest for Shinobu grew bigger and bigger.
Still, she couldn’t find the courage to tell her the words that are always resonating in her head whenever she’s with her. I like you.
The more time she’d spend with her, the more she’d develop a feeling of admiration towards her. She’s so smart, always using long, complex words to explain her feelings. She reads a lot, always recommending Mitsuri new books to read, some of them which she actually did check, the rest of the titles lost forever after she had been staring for too long at Shinobu’s new lipstick, or the way her deep black hair with purple ends would play with the wind, or how her eyelashes could cause hurricanes every time she blinked if she wanted.
She started to feel desperate, how long would she endure these feelings? how long will she be able to keep them hidden, all of this in order to not ruin their beautiful friendship, something that took her so long to build? Which, by the way, was wonderful. They would do so many things together, go shopping, eat somewhere, share some afternoons walking together to their homes, hearing Shinobu’s rambling about the stuff she cares, feeling heard by her whenever she rants about interesting events in her life, helping each other with academic stuff and also giving out a hand when they were struggling with their own problems at home, some of them so simple, some of them more complex they couldn’t offer a proper advice. It was awesome, to be Shinobu’s friend, and she didn’t want to risk that for her selfish feelings towards her.
But… how long would that last?
“Shinobu has been acting really weird lately…”
“How so?” Sanemi asked, not moving his eyes away from his book.
“She’s so… quiet…”
“Isn’t that her usual self, though?”
“No! This time it’s different, she’s distant…It’s almost like she’s avoiding me, maybe…!” she gasped, “What if she hates me?!”
Peeking to his side to a gloomy Misturi, Sanemi finally put his book down and crossed his arms, “I’m not the one to answer for her.”
“I knew it! She hates me! Maybe she’s tired of me, maybe she thinks I’m annoying because I talk to much and she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore, how didn’t I see this coming?! I’m such an idiot! I’m not even her type!”
“Oi, don’t say that. First of all, you aren’t annoying, talking too much can’t be fixed, we all know that. That’s how you are. Second, what makes you think you’re not her type? You’re dead gorgeous, I know a few of people who would literally kill to spend a single second with you. You’re a bit dense, though.”
“Sanemi…!” encouraging words from her best friend are something that must be treasured like real gold, for what she has heard so far, Sanemi is like a small version of the school’s delinquent, feared by almost a ninety percent of the school, teachers included. She doesn’t know why he tolerated her and hasn’t flipped her off yet, but she’s so happy to have a friend like him – bold, honest, not taking his words back ever. She also likes to spar with him a lot, which is the most fun part of their friendship.
“Talk to her. Tell her how you feel. I don’t want to deal with another of your heartbreaks, the past months have been far too peaceful and I’d like it if they stay like that.”
She wanted to hug him so bad, but she knows that would be crossing the line, past the limits he set with her, which aren’t much, but enough to keep her civil. So instead she only thanked him, a single nod and opening his book on the marked page was the only response back.
He’s right. And she doesn’t want things to end this way. She wants to tell Shinobu she loves her so bad, to kiss her, hug her, hold her hand, that she loves every bit of her to no end, that she’d do whatever it takes to hear her voice, her laugh, to look directly into her eyes and dive into her never ending thoughts, the sea of memories she’s willing to take care of.
And she’ll do it today after class. She can’t wait anymore.
***
Honestly, she has no idea how it happened. At first she thought she was… peculiar. Very different from other people she has met in her life. Her hair was the most shocking part of her, it starts with a candy pink and ends in a bright green, something she has never seen before. It was even more shocking when she know it was natural, and she didn’t dye her hair at all. She had to ask her several times for confirmation that time.
There was something so different about Mitsuri it was unsettling.
Shinobu always had everything planned in her life since she remembers. Her plans never failing her not even once, except for, of course that day she spotted a very distressed Misturi struggling to walk on a straight line no thanks to the fairly tall pile of books blocking her view. They were heavy, very heavy, but Shinobu tried her best to carry them to the library without losing her limbs on the way.
Anyways, since then all the plans in her life seemed to be ruined, her life did a whole turn. She doesn’t know if it was for the better, but it was done already.
When they became closer, she didn’t know until now what she felt was relief. Mitsuri was… how could she explain it? Bright, yes, that could work. She is bright and warm. Her smile, her laugh, her face… ah, those freckles on her face, she would trace them in her mind, drawing a whole galaxy and finding new constellations and name them all after her, her soft hair, her natural sweetness, pretty green eyes and cute, small lips were… troublesome.
Her heart would rush at such a high speed it was difficult to keep herself composed in front of her, trying her best to not break apart, fighting her weakened knees at the unfair prettiness on the person in front of her.
Tall, strong, gorgeous, so sweet and caring, Mitsuri was that and so many other things, so many positive feelings would bloom inside her heart whenever she was around, feelings she didn’t know she had, those she thought were deep buried into the deepness of her mind, hidden from everything and everyone. But again, those thoughts were nothing but her own perception of things before Mitsuri came to break all the boundaries she had settled, the things she thought were the limits to this world, opening the pandora box inside her chest.
She didn’t know what to do anymore. This feeling was getting on her nerves and she didn’t know how to call them anymore, it was something unknown for her.
“Do you like that girl, Shinobu?” her big sister, Kanae, interrupted her thoughts as she was lying on the floor, asking herself how someone can be thiscute.
“Huh?”
“I mean, every day since you meet her the first thing you do is lay on the floor and… think,” she giggled at the word, “that’s really cute. My little cute sister is falling in love!”
“I am not--”
…
...Love.
That’s the word, love.
The past weeks she was so confused at how that feeling was called, scared on what it would mean, her fear moved her to take a fair distance from Misturi, almost as if she has been avoiding her. A lot of things crossed her mind, but every time the world love would come into the conversation, she would dodge it like a bullet threatening to ruin her life.
But now she was forced to face it, to see it, clear the fog in her mind by herself and feel, now for real. Put a label to all those things she was too afraid to acknowledge.
And things were even clearer now.
Does it matter if the plans she had done up to this point were ruined? No, even less now that there’s a future in front of her with Mitsuri, one that is way, way better than the boring and monotone life she had planned for herself. A lifetime with Mitsuri is completely worth all the risks she’s taking right now.
Okay, then.
Tomorrow , she thought, tomorrow I will tell her.
***
Rushing her way out of her classroom, Mitsuri found herself running as fast as she could to reach the spot they frequent with Shinobu, a wooden bench under the big tree tree in the middle of the entrance of the school. She’s sure Shinobu will be there, or so she hopes.
Thanks to the gods, she was right.
“Shinobu-chan!” she did a full stop in front of her, panting.
“Mitsuri! Hello, What’s wrong?”
“I… I have to tell you something!”
“Oh,” Shinobu seemed genuinely surprised, “I have something to tell you, too.”
Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm her throbbing heart trying to break out of her ribcage.
“Shinobu, I… I...”
“Mitsuri, I like you.”
“Wh-”
Wait. Wait. Wait wait wait, what did she just say?! She… likes her?! Like, for real?!
“I know it’s weird. Up until now, I didn’t know if I really liked you or not. I didn’t know how to put a name to these feelings I have for you.”
“...!”
“Saying I like you is so unfair to what I feel for you, you’re so bright, Mitsuri. You’re so pretty, so funny and so, so sweet. I’m so sorry for avoiding you, you didn’t deserve that. I didn’t know what to do with you, honestly,” she smiled, then continued, “but then I realized, it’s not what I have to do with you, because I want to be with you. Be part of your life.”
“...I! I think the same! I really really like you, Shinobu! Like a lot! A lot really!”
“That… makes me really happy.”
Shinobu’s relieved smile covered by the golden light of the afternoon sun showed a whole new, different image of what she knew so far about her. She was being genuinely honest, her heart was now open to the world, to her world, and her world was Mitsuri. This smile would be so insignificant to anyone, but for Mitsuri it meant so many things, stuff she learned since she met her, secrets that are still there but slowly being solved like a puzzle, where the missing piece was no one else but herself.
The rest of the world was meaningless now in front of her.
Grabbing her hand earnestly, Mitsuri tried her very best to sound as calm as possible.
“Shinobu-chan... is it okay if I kiss you?”
Letting out a soft laugh, she nodded.
“I’ve wanted to do this for a long time.”
