smiles (KNY, GenTan)
“Tanjirou, here,” he handled him a handkerchief, seemingly hiding something underneath.
“Hm? For me?” Tanjirou gasps, eyes tingling in excitement.
Genya sighs, “no. But you’ll keep it. Last time we talked, you kept saying about something to give Nezuko once she woke up, right? Besides a new kimono.”
“Woah, really? You remember?” his smile was soft and tender, as he unveiled the object inside the handkerchief. It was a long hairpin; the design wasn’t truly anything out of this world. The stick was tinted in golden, and the ornaments were nothing but cherry blossom flowers with small beads hanging under. It wasn’t extravagant, because he doesn’t like those kind of flashy, overdecorated designs, but it sure is something that’s not common from his own lifestyle. He can’t help but wonder what Tanjirou thinks of it.
Given his silence, he couldn’t help but grow anxious at his opinion. His… friend… kept looking at it, fixated on every small detail in its simple design. “You know, people usually say thank you—”
“It’s really pretty,” he speaks softly. “I’m sure Nezuko will love it, Genya!”
The smile on his face, he really doesn’t want to see that smile ever fade again.
He hesitates a little, with his hand behind his back. “Also…”
Tanjirou simply stares at him, blinking obliviously. “What is it?”
“I couldn’t… just…” he’s feeling absolutely embarrassed, why the hell is that? “…buy something for Nezuko without bringing anything for you…” it takes him a lot of courage, but he reveals the gift he had occult behind his back. It was a small box, and inside there was something he found interesting when he went to the market last time with Himejima.
As Tanjirou held the box in his hands, he looked at him for a second. With his permission, he opened the box, shaking out whatever was inside. He seemed confused as ever, just as Genya felt when he first saw it.
“See, it’s a pen, I forgot the name… fountain pen…?” he sucks his teeth as he tries to remember, failing right after. He walked closer to him, pointing each part of the pen in his hand. It was wildly different from the calligraphy brush, so of course it didn’t make sense for Tanjirou, who rarely visits the city on his free time. “That doesn’t matter. I always see you writing, and I thought you’d like it. You don’t have to dip this pen into ink every time, you can just… pour it here in this barrel… and then you write.”
“You always see me writing? But I never did in front of you…?” Tanjirou teases him, maybe unintentionally.
What is true is that the few times Genya has seen Kamado writing was lurking, or by accident while he was… well… looking for him. He guessed at first it was simply because he enjoyed writing, but it after came to him that the reason could be that he was writing a diary for his sister to read once she regained consciousness. Either way, when he saw the pen, he thought it would be a good fit for Tanjirou, so he didn’t hesitate to buy it. He totally omitted the detail that he, too, bought a matching one for himself, because why would he want to know something like that? That they now both have matching fountain pens with similar designs but with different colors? There’s just no need to mention it.
“Well, the girls from the butterfly mansion say that you keep journals and all…” he lied impulsively, now realizing this doesn’t make sense at all, given he already admitted he has always seen him writing. Still, since he has the excuse that he always comes here, he can use the girls’ vast knowledge of the corps’ businesses to justify his actions. “Well, are you keeping it or not?!” he felt the heat growing in his face, and the embarrassment increased as he kept explaining himself.
Tanjirou chuckles, a noise he’ll never get tired of hearing not in a million years from now. Genya feels like he owes that to him – a happy moment in his life. He is aware on how harsh he was when he barely knew the guy, still bent on something he did years ago. Truth to be told, had he seen himself during the final selection doing what he did to the girl just standing there and explaining the ranks to him, he, too, would’ve broken his own arm without hesitation.
Well, maybe not break his arm, but he sure would’ve scolded himself.
Yelling, calling him names, telling him to stay away from him. Today, those reactions towards Tanjirou’s pure heart makes him feel incredibly ashamed. That’s why he feels like he owes that to him, even though Genya noticed time ago that Kamado really doesn’t care about what happened in the past, as he only has moved forward ever since.
Lately, he feels like everyone around him moves forward, while he still remains stuck.
“You didn’t have to, Genya,” he beams, holding the pen closer to him. “Thank you, really.”
Genya can’t deny to himself how much he loves to see Tanjirou smile, let it be for whatever reason. Whether he found something funny in his friends, he heard a nice story from the butterfly girls or he saw a new person he wanted to meet, he always smiled. As he looked at that soft and gentle curve on his lips, he always wondered whether that smile would be directed to him one day. Ever since then, he tried to make up for his past mistakes by bringing joy into his friend’s life.
He wanted that. He was selfish enough to crave that for himself. Genya wanted a moment like this, where the source of Tanjirou’s happiness was none other than him.
It’s no use attempting to pretend he’s not feeling the blush rise in his ears, so he simply looks somewhere else, avoiding eye contact. “It’s whatever, really.”
“I know,” Tanjirou chuckles. “It’s always like that, isn’t it?”
“What do you mean?”
“That you just happen to pass by a store, or a snack stand… and buy something for me,” he smiles. “I’m simply glad you keep me in mind, even if it’s just for a little.”
His words make him want to laugh. Thinking of him for a brief moment, as Tanjirou believes, is far, far away from the true reality of his core. When he wakes up, eats, trains, writes, and right before he goes to sleep. That’s how frequently he thinks of him. His thoughts are flooded with him, his ears beg to hear his voice again, his throat burns with the necessity to speak with him. It’s an understatement to say he thinks of Kamado every now and then, because ever since he learned just a fragment of the person he truly is, Genya just can’t keep him away from his mind.
He nods in silence, turning around and walking towards the entrance. He was done with his task. “If you want… you can practice using it with the letters you send me. I don’t mind if it looks unreadable. At least I’ll know you’re using the gift I gave you.”
Tanjirou simply glared at him, not saying anything. Genya refused to look back at him, because he knew very well how bold his words were, despite his laid-back tone. If he looked at those eyes glimmering at him, he wouldn’t be able to control his heart already beating erratically.
…
Maybe one day, he thinks.
Maybe one day he’ll be brave enough to face him, even if it makes his heart want to break out of his chest. Maybe one day he’ll get rid of his fear of losing such a valuable friendship to his feelings. Maybe one day they will talk with honesty, and he’ll be able to figure out what this is called, why he feels this strongly towards him. Maybe one day he’ll tell him how much—
“I-I will!” Tanjirou answers as Genya stands in the entrance. “I… I will write to you! whenever I can! I promise!” this is the first time he hears him hold back on his words.
His curiosity perks inside him, wondering what could have happened to have him hesitate on his answer. Much to his embarrassment, he turned around to look at him, dazed by the view on the other end of the room. Taunted, he saw Tanjirou standing there, their eyes locked into the other’s. His unwavering smile remained there, but the soft shade of pink painting his face made him remain stuck in place, not daring to leave the room, not even when his heart begged him to run away from there.
It called him. Every angle, every different light, every emotion he portrays in its entirety. Tanjirou was charming on every shade of his personality, always driving him closer like a magnet. He’s so different, so much different to the treatment he’s used to, so different from the coldness of the harsh world awaiting from them outside of the butterfly mansion, and that’s why he doesn’t ever want to move from here.
He doesn’t want to leave.
He doesn’t want to stay any second away from him.
“…”
But he has to.
Otherwise, how will he read the letters he writes to him, with the gift Genya gave him?
“…Take care, Tanjirou.” He waves shortly, before finally parting from the room, leaving Tanjirou behind before he can even answer.
