who else, but you? (KNY, GenTan)
His shift ended a little later than usual. The influx of people buying their new bread recipe increased exponentially every day that passed. The ticking clock matched his foot tapping on the floor, getting impatient on every second the customers would steal from him past closing time.
Don’t get him wrong, Tanjirou was always happy to see the family’s business grow more and more, but on days like these there was only one thing in his mind.
Once the shift is over, I can see Genya.
Yes, the very Shinazugawa Genya; or better yet, his boyfriend. The only concern and thought inside his head was the person who stole his heart lifetimes ago. Rude like no other but also charming and warm in his own way. Strong when it came to arguing about whatever he felt like, unbelievably weak to soft things like kittens and sunny days.
Yes, Shinazugawa Genya, who was mistaken for a punk, a criminal by his classmates and some old ladies, and works in the flower shop in front of the bakery.
Turning around the open sign Tanjirou put an end to his shift. He hurried outside of the store, closing the door behind him. In front of him, checking on his own phone and barely some steps away in distance, Genya was waiting for him.
“Genya!”
Wearing his usual black jeans and a dark purple hoodie, he shoved his phone in his pocket, smiling at him.
He walked towards Genya with a hurried pace, stretching both arms forward and inviting him into a hug well received on the other side. After staying like that –tightly hugging each other and swinging from side to side together– for half of the minutes they were allowed to be together, they finally parted and walked down the street to the bus stop.
Walking on the dark street, barely illuminated by the moon, Tanjirou held Genya’s hands, interlacing their fingers together.
“Class starts next week!” he reminded him, excited to start their last year as high school students together.
“Yeah.”
“Aren’t you excited?”
“Not really,” Genya scoffed. “There’s a lot of pressure this year, don’t you think?”
“Hmm…”
Tanjirou couldn’t say he agreed, but he did know things got extra harder for Genya. His big brother was their math teacher, and the level of exigence fell even harder on his shoulders than the rest.
“I don’t even know what major I should take. My family won’t shut up about it either,” he groaned. “It’s all a mess, I just want to focus on my grades first.”
Genya’s sight was lost in the dark background of the empty road, or so Tanjirou could see from below. His face was bright, covered in a thin layer of a white glimmer from the street lights.
From every angle, every time of the day, Genya was so incredibly beautiful to him. Even when he was pouting, his eyebrows furrowed to show his displeasure at Tanjirou’s question, he looked cuter than ever. And he was hoping Genya realized that one day.
But this wasn’t a matter of importance right now. Class started in a week, and things would only become tense after that. Tanjirou began to wonder if there was anything he could do to help relieve stress from the situation...
He was about to give up on that as they started getting closer to Genya’s bus stop, until he remembered.
“Ah!”
“What?” Genya seemed to be caught off guard.
“Hanami! Let’s go watch the cherry blossoms tomorrow!” He let go of his boyfriend’s hand, walking backwards in front of him. “Let’s see… we should go early in the morning. I can bring the food!”
“You didn’t even ask me if I wanted to go…” he sighed, but immediately recomposed himself, crossing his hands and tilting his head with eyes closed, thinking. After some steps down walking like that, he raised a finger, indicating he came up with an idea. “I’ll bring something to drink. Also I’ll ask mom if she has a blanket to spare.”
Tanjirou’s heart was full and content.
“Okay! Let’s meet tomorrow in the morning, then!”
“Let’s do that, then. Now come here, I miss you already…” Genya extended both arms asking for a hug, to which Tanjirou responded by jumping into them.
As of now, Genya was on his way back home safely. Tanjirou, on the other hand, was now at the kitchen boiling some rice for the food he promised to bring the next day.
The plan was easy, and it was something he wanted to do for a while now. Inari and maki sushi, egg rolls, some quail boiled egg, beans and chopped carrots. Of course, all of them had their own story to tell, especially the sausages cut and placed to form a heart between the two quail eggs that looked far too similar to Genya and him.
Settling everything in the box neatly and adding some toothpicks with cute animals and colorful flags on every piece that was there to eat, Tanjirou was satisfied with the final result.
He’d get to see Genya tomorrow. And the day after that, and after that. too.
Genya wouldn’t leave.
In this life, he’d make sure Genya didn’t leave, and he’d live the happy life he couldn’t when he first met him almost a century ago.
Tanjirou grabbed his phone and took a picture of the bento box from above, smiling tenderly. He put the lid on the box and took off his apron, hanging it behind the kitchen’s door. He crossed his arms, laying back on the counter.
When he closed his eyes, he still could hear the words the crow shouted for everyone to hear.
“Genya Shinazugawa is dead!”
Years later, he still felt the guilt and regret of not being able to prevent it. Even today, even now that he was sharing this life with Genya and making sure he was enjoying it to the fullest, he still resented being unable to save him.
If it was out of his control or not, it didn’t matter. He carried all the fault for it until the day he died, and when he woke up in his new life, the same guilt followed him around.
Until he saw him at the bakery back then. Alive.
Tanjirou sighed, staring at the floor longingly. When he snapped out of his trance, he checked on the clock hanging on the wall.
“Shoot. It’s almost midnight!”
* * *
The next morning, they met where they hurriedly agreed to last night – the riverside park.
As they walked together to find a good spot for both of them, Tanjirou realized the cherry blossoms were already in their peak bloom.
It was a beautiful sight. Everything around him was a joy to stare at. Most specifically the very person standing by his side, scanning the entire surface to find the perfect place to sit together.
Genya was tall, it wasn’t that Tanjirou was short or anything, he would call himself just barely under the average height for his age, even. But Genya was huge, he was honestly not an inch different from what he remembered from their past life.
When he met him back then at the bakery, he thought Genya was at least 19 years old, or something like that, so did Nezuko, his parents, and every old lady that came to buy their daily supplies.
It took him by surprise to see Genya introducing himself in front of the class.
“So where do we sit?” the very owner of his thoughts spoke.
“Ah… there?” Tanjirou pointed at the closest spot near the river.
“Sure.”
It took him quite a while, but Tanjirou finally found Genya in the end.
Trying to twist and hurry the threads of fate were a tempting option for Tanjirou the longer he kept waiting for him. He had already found every person from his past life into this one, and they all recognized him immediately as well.
Some people he met when he was barely learning to talk and walk, some were found on the first day of middle school, some he met at the bakery and nearby stores.
The day he turned 12, he waited for Genya.
The day he turned 14, he kept waiting.
The day he turned 15, he gave up.
He was afraid Genya would never appear, that it was his fate to never meet him again after that. For him, it was a punishment for not protecting him like he promised to.
But then…
“Man, this place is really empty.”
They were both sitting on the dark blue blanket Genya borrowed from his mom, just as he mentioned. There were few to no people around them, something very unlikely during these dates that were meant to gather people to spend time together.
Aside from their voices, the only noise left was the lovely songs from the early birds around them.
“It is because it’s early. People start to gather up in the afternoon,” he replied, untying the knot of the cloth covering the bento box.
“I guess, yeah,” Genya leaned forward, peeking at the box before Tanjirou raised the lid, not hiding his curiosity at all. “What did you make?”
“Heh-heh, prepare yourself, then…!” He raised the lid with a fanfare of trumpets, “ta-daah!”
“Oh wow,” Genya sighed, almost laughing.
The bento was just as he left it before going to sleep last night. Details on the faces he made on the eggs and other pieces were more visible now under a different, brighter light.
“It’s...very cute,” he covered his face with the back of his hand, his ears revealing already how blushed he was.
“Do you not like it?” Tanjirou pushed the box closer to Genya, clearly teasing him.
“Of course I like it! Why wouldn’t I?!”
They stared at each other in silence for some seconds, Tanjirou smiling tenderly while Genya’s face was still painted with different shades of pink and red.
“That makes me really happy.”
“God, you…! Don’t stare at me like that!” Genya pushed his face away, his entire hand covering most of his head. “Let’s eat, yeah. Let’s do that.”
“Let’s eat, then!”
It was frustrating for Tanjirou to see that he missed so many important milestones in this lifetime. It was heartbreaking to see he missed just as much as he did before, unable to be there whenever Genya needed it.
When he saw him at the bakery, he felt relieved to know Genya was alright, but also angry at all the gods who prevented them from meeting earlier.
What did he miss? How was his family doing? How did he get there? Was he the same troublemaker he met before?
Will he see him again?
“You’re staring too much,” Genya grabbed one of the egg rolls with his chopsticks and, with a hand underneath, he attempted to give it to Tanjirou. “Eat.”
“Wa-” before he could excuse himself, the egg roll was already inside his mouth. Genya’s next step was playing Tanjirou’s hair before he could complain.
“You’ve been zoning out all day today.”
“...”
“But it’s okay, if you don’t wanna talk, we can spend the day like this.”
And so, Genya stretched and laid down on the blanket, staring at the cherry blossoms above. Tanjirou stared at him, still trying to digest the food inside his mouth. With the help of the peach flavored water, Tanjirou managed to swallow the big piece and immediately laid down by his boyfriend’s side.
Silences have never been uncomfortable with Genya. More than that, they’ve always been welcome from both sides.
Dealing with people all day, all they wanted to do by the end of the day was cuddle and fall asleep together whenever they could; updating on each other’s day could wait a little.
It had always been like this.
Silence was the only way they could speak their feelings out, silences like these would give each other time to see the other, read their gestures, their faces, draw conclusions and seek for answers. And as of now, Tanjirou could tell that was Genya’s objective this time.
They spent the rest of the day like this – laying down, watching people arrive and start their own picnics nearby, watching the petals from the cherry blossoms fall and dance in the air.
As time passed, the sun that was once up in the sky was hiding again between the mountains, bathing the entire place in different tones of brilliant red and orange.
Where people would stare at the evening sky, Tanjirou’s eyes were fixated on one person and nothing else.
The gold tinted rays would suit Genya perfectly, embellishing his features. If the sky, the light, the sun were artists pursuing success in their work, the image he was staring at right now would be their masterpiece. He stared at him as long as he could, memorizing every inch of his face and the way the wind and the sunlight would play with it.
Tanjirou made sure to capture this moment in his soul.
He couldn’t tell what made him suddenly remember all those memories with bitterness and regret, often ruining his mood drastically, and he couldn’t tell Genya why he was feeling this way either. Not without sounding like he lost his mind or hit his head really hard last night.
He couldn’t say why he’d been so quiet lately, not now at least.
If he couldn’t verbally explain things, at least he could think about them until the day came.
I’m sorry I didn’t protect you, he thought.
I’m really sorry I wasn’t there.
I hope you lived a happy life before coming back to me.
After a while, Genya opened his eyes, staring directly at him. Tanjirou forgot they had been facing each other as they were laying down, but he wasn’t shy in locking their eyes together, another habit of theirs.
He stared at him blankly, no emotions could be read on his face. Then, he finally spoke, “I’m happy I met you again.”
Tanjirou sat up again, almost an automatic response from his body.
“Huh?”
Genya let out a small chuckle, sitting back up, staring at the rusty sky.
“I’ve been having nightmares since I have memory. All of them were the same thing, it was a repetitive dream:” He pushed his knees close to his chest, crossing his arms over them. “They were very explicit, gross even. If you can call it that.”
“Do you still have those nightmares?”
“Yeah, I still do. They got worse last year, but the day I met you another repetitive dream came,” Genya stared at him. “It was weird. In those dreams, I would be chatting with you almost as if I’ve always known you. Even though I had seen your face once.”
“...”
“So I was curious and I started searching online what that may mean. And all of those answers more or less said the same thing. Something about a past life and all that.”
Tanjirou didn’t know what to say. And, like never before, Genya was very talkative.
“I just wanted to say that…” he stared at the sky again, this time smiling gently, “if it’s true. Then I’m glad I met you again in this life. Every dream I had about you made me feel at peace, and being with you like this makes me feel calm, too. Isn’t that great?”
“Genya…” he finally found his voice again, even though it was broken and shaky. “I’m sorry.”
“What for?”
“For not protecting you, I’m sorry,” failing to hold his tears back, he simply closed his eyes and kept mumbling, “I’m so sorry Genya.”
“Hey, don’t cry…” he grabbed one of Tanjirou’s arms, gently tugging him into a hug, caressing his head with one hand and holding him with the other. “Honestly, I don’t know what you’re talking about. But I’m sure it wasn’t your fault.”
For some reason, every word that came from Genya’s mouth felt like a new crack on his heart, making him cry even harder, and cling onto him even tighter.
He was so happy to meet him again, so, so very happy.
“I love you, Genya.”
Genya sighed, finally releasing all the tension he seemed to feel at seeing his lover cry his heart out. “I love you, too.”
They sat like that for some minutes, Tanjirou’s small sobs, hidden by all the different voices around them, was the only communication between the two of them. Genya kept stroking his back, petting his hair whenever he would feel like.
After Tanjirou started feeling better, they decided to go home together.
Yes, there wasn’t much he could do about the past, that was true. The regret and the pain from back then wouldn’t leave easily, it wasn’t an overnight thing.
However, he was lucky he was given a second chance. He was blessed again with Genya’s beautiful presence, his raspy voice, his awkward smile, and his pure heart. He was finally there to take care of him and give them the life they desired to live together back then.
And he will do things right this time.
